ARGH!

Sabotaged by PMS... sigh. ("Oh, hello cookie, you look lonely...") I will get on the treadmill tonight - even if for 10 minutes - to see if I can kick that evil beyotch where she belongs.

Words of Wisdom

Finn, this morning, witnessed me struggling with something:

"Um, Mama? Sometimes you have to look deep within yourself to solve your problems. Maybe you should do that."

"Wow. How'd you get so smart?" I said stealing a huge hug from my incredibly wise 5 year old...

"SpongeBob, Mama."


Well, there you have it folks: Eternal wisdom from within a pineapple under the sea.

Seriously?

$40 dollars for a Halloween costume?

And a Woopie Cushion no less

It has gotten out of control...

Though this one is pretty freakin' awesome!

But I mean seriously??... $85 dollars for a Teddy Roosevelt costume?

I have to say I'm pretty partial to the home made variety:

Finn - aka Bob the Builder 2007

This costume was very simple and fun to make - despite the fact that I stayed up past midnight coloring in the white checks on the shirt. ("Mama, Bob's shirt isn't red and white!! It's red and orange!!!" He cried at 7 pm the night before Halloween..)

October brings a lot of excitement for my kids. The planning has begun. Now I just have to figure out how to do this...

Avatar Aang. the Last Airbender

I've got 30 days...
Wish me luck.

More Proof Mama Needs to Censor Herself

Overheard from the kitchen yesterday when I thought the boys were nicely playing trucks together...

O: "No, Bii! That MY fruck! Give back MY fruck!!"

F: "Oh for the love of God brother. Just chill!"

Mama: "Now where on earth would he pick that up?"

Oops... Bad Mama.

Twisted

Perfect representation for how I'm feeling...

If You're Happy and You Know it...

I'm down, but not out. I've had to remind myself lately how truly blessed I am.

With these two at the helm it's really not that difficult to remember...

More soon.

Patooties

My sister-in-law (#3-of-5) is an amazing photographer. She has a knack for bringing out the best in people (and not just with her camera). When we visited last weekend she took some wonderful shots of the boys. This one, though silly, really captures them well. My two goofballs. Oh how I love them so.

Motivation (Or lack there of...)

I have none.

I don't want to work, or cook, or clean or read or... well, pretty much anything.

I need a vacation.

From everything.

Change of Plans

Saturday was a glorious day and we were going to make the most of it.

We set out early with a plan: On the boat at 9:00. Head out to Fort Gorges to explore for an hour or so, then get back on the boat, fish a little; find a sandy beach to romp on, have lunch, swim and head home before it gets too hot. Perfect!

9:15 arrival at Fort. Picture perfect morning.

We anchored and set out to explore:

Fort Gorges is a very cool place in the middle of Casco Bay. The boys love it.

We found new nooks and crannies and spent quite a bit of time looking around.

Finally deciding to move on with our day...

When...

Umm... Houston?

We have a problem...

When the tide goes out, leaving you marooned, there's nothing you can do but make the most of what you've got and wait it out until it comes back.

Six.Hours.Later.


so

we

did

This is what makes my boat float.

Thank God we were prepared. We had sunscreen, snacks and lunch and shovels and pails and a cooler full of cold beer. What more could anyone need?

I Can

I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.

I’m wrestling with too much right now.

Change is in the air and I really don’t do too well with change. I’m a Virgo, so I try to have everything in its place. I need to have control, but there are just too many unknowns right now and it’s driving me c r a z y.

It started with a little snowflake and now feels like an avalanche.

A friend passed away two weeks ago. She was only 32. My heart is broken for her and her family and her 18 month old son. My heart breaks for my boys because her twin sister is was the primary caregiver at their daycare and, as we suspected, is leaving our center to take over her sister’s daycare. R is the only main reason we are still where we are… I can keep them there, BUT:

Owen is supposed to start Preschool next month.

R was going to transport him and her son to and from this two hour, two day a week, not made for working mothers’ preschool and now it looks as though this won’t happen. I don’t want to pull him out. I can’t. He needs preschool. I think it would help his speech SO much. AND he’s been SO looking forward to it.

So I looked around and found another all day preschool that actually looks better and, if I enroll him full time, would be cheaper than the other two combined. BUT, if I remove him from our current daycare, I don’t think the owner will react very well. She’s a bit of a bwitch. We’re already cutting her paycheck significantly as next month Finn is starting Kindergarten and I really don’t have an alternative to his before and after care. I work from 8 – 5 and he doesn’t get on the bus until 8:45 and school ends at 3:00. Even though the owner is hardly ever at the daycare, I’m afraid she’ll make life very difficult for Finn – or tell us she can’t take one without the other. (Yeah, she’d do that)

On top of this dilemma I worry about Finn. I’m so excited for him to start school and be exposed to new things and people, BUT:

What classroom will he be in? Will he be okay on the bus? He’s staring school in a cast. Will the other children be nice to him? Will he be too much of a goof-ball? How will we juggle everything?

By the end of the day I am exhausted. I’m scared of things I don’t have any much control over. So I fall heavily in to bed and fall soundly asleep; for about an hour. Then the tick of the clock taunts me for the rest of the dark night…

Can someone please tell my brain to shut the hell up?!?

Writing this down helps. I re-read these words and it all seems so insignificant. I know we’ll manage, but I just want to do.the.right.thing. I’m so afraid of making a bad choice and then having to dig out of the deep hole.

I remind myself of what Goethe said, “Just trust yourself, and then you will know how to live.”

I must. I will.

I can.

Oops, He Did it Again...

I am not kidding. Does this look like a kid who just learned he has to wear a cast for the last 6 weeks of the summer? I don't think he could possibly be happier about it. Me? Not so much.

We had an amazing Saturday. We got up early. Hooked up the boat and were on the ocean by 8:00. It was a glorious morning.

We were home by 1:00, had lunch and then went for a swim in the neighbor's pool (we're taking care of it this week while they're on vacation) and then in ours. (We like our little one better)

By 4:00 we were ready to go to friend's for a barbecue. We weren't there 5 minutes when I lost sight of the boys. I scanned the yard and spotted Finn sitting with his brother on the ground laughing. Oh, that's a nice I thought.

Wait! What? That's not a happy face! Oh sh*t!!!!!

When I reached him, it was clear from the tears streaming down his cheeks that he had fallen from the monkey bars. We got ice on his hand quickly, but when he refused a Freeze Pop from our host, I knew we were headed to the ER.

So yes. The boy has fractured his wrist for the second time in less than a year. His doctor isn't concerned about a vitamin deficiency or anything worse. "He's an active young boy. Sh*t happens." (I love my pediatrician)

So what you can't tell from the picture is the orthopedics people (bless their hearts!) created a removable cast for him. They stressed that he can only take it off to swim and bathe, and he must be VERY careful. Thankfully, I saved his cast from last year so we'll put that on him when he wants to swim. I think his doctor will be pleased. Finn certainly is.

I'm just sad that he'll have to start Kindergarten with a cast on his arm. Way to get noticed kid.

My Thoughtful Yittle Fwiahman

O: "Mama, me yike deese frackers.
Me bring come to da guys at the fwiah cation.
It's way, way far away.
Me need comting to dwive...
Maybe da pumper fwuck.
Yeah. Pumper fwucks good."


translation: Mama, me like these crackers. Me bring some to the guys at the fire station. It's way, way far away. Me need something to drive... Maybe the pumper truck. Yeah. Pumper truck's good." Indeed.

Recovery From a Full Weekend..

From his Daycare provider:



"Finn has decided on the face plant sleeping position. A bold move for this veteran napper. Lets watch..."

Remembering Gaga

My grandmother died 14 years ago at the ripe old age of 86. She was still very active and still driving - as scary as that really was. She was a wonderful woman. Very stoic and dry, she didn't show affection much but she had so many qualities that I loved.


She had an extremely interesting life and she loved to share her stories with me: Going to art school; adventures in cars in the years when driving 10 miles an hour was like riding a roller coaster; bathtub gin! I loved these times with her.

One of the things I loved most about my Gaga was her love of nature and plants. She taught me when to prune hydrangea and how to identify trillium and other forest flowers. We took long walks whenever we were together - which sadly wasn't that often. She was very much involved in conservation and, in fact, had driven herself to a conference where she had the stroke that would, two weeks later, take her life.

After she died, my sister and I went to her home to help clean out some of her stuff. The things that were most meaningful to me were her plants. K and I took several. She a beautiful Jade, me a happy Christmas Cactus. We both took clippings from a huge vine that nearly filled a large greenhouse window in her kitchen.

For years, this clipping didn't do much. I wondered why it was so special; why Gaga had loved this plant so much. The leaves were pretty. Waxy dark green. But beyond that? Meh.

Then one day about 10 years ago, I smelled this overwhelming sweet scent in my apartment. I searched high and low but couldn't figure out what it was. I kept sniffing around and finally found the source:

Gaga's Hoya had finally bloomed.


And now it blooms several times a year. It's prolific really. I have created multiple plants from this one clipping of hers. It is an honor and a privilege to be one of the keepers of this amazing plant. And every time I smell that wonderful scent and see the beautiful blooms, I remember her.

She would have been 100 today. Happy Birthday Gaga. I miss you.

Company Coming...

Scrambling.

No time.

Company coming.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning... (Thanks for the help Rolf and Sven!)

Clutter. Laundry. Mirrors. Toys.

Scrubbing bathrooms. (Oh! To be the only woman in a three man house...)

Scrambling after a long day at work.

Madness. But it's finally done. Time for a well earned glass of wine...

Bii: Mama, the house looks really good now. It hasn't looked this good in 10 years.

At least I'm not the only one who notices...

I Ain't Got Much

'Cept these two, cute, happy the sun is finally out again, boys...

Hope you're all enjoying the weather...

Housekeeper

I did it.


I hired a housekeeper.


I've dreamed of this moment for a long time.


Now mind you, he's not exactly what I envisioned:

6'2"

Blond hair

Blue eyes

Doesn't speak a lick of English...


Nope.


He's not even Swedish.


In fact, he was born in Massachusetts.


But I think he'll do.


Everyone: Meet Rolf

Rolf Roomba

He's the new love of my life.


Right up there with our other hired hand, Sven.

Wardrobe Wednesday

It's an oldie but a goodie. I love how he looks kind of horrified to be dressed like this. Oh, what we do to our children. Thankfully he'll have no memories of this...

Go join the fun at Heathen Family Revival

Finally!

Despite the lousy cellphone camera picture, we had an absolutely lovely day out on the ocean. It's scheduled to start raining again any minute...

I'm Done

That's it. I can't take the rain any more. I have reached the breaking point. I'm going to have a margarita. right. now.

Wardrobe Wednesday

"Rescue Hero"

He Was. Really.

"Mama, I was born to eat this!"

Please Don't Ask How My Children Are

I swear I'm never talking about my children at work again.

Yesterday, a cow-orker asked how the boys were (they were fine).

This morning? Finn is throwing up.

EVERY time someone asks, one of them comes down with something.

I'm praying Owen is spared this time around.

Facebook Flashback

Facebook is freaking me out. Seriously.

In the last 6 months I have gotten back in touch with so many people I thought I would never talk to again.

Most of it is really good. Freaky but good.

So many things I thought (hoped?) I'd forgotten have come full circle. It's strange to reminisce with these people who, now, are essentially strangers.

And today? An old high school flame appears.

What's freakier? He works less than a mile away from me. (I guess that may not seem strange to some, but we went to school in Massachusetts and now live in Maine. Tinytown USA)

We're having lunch on Friday. Weird.

Signs Your Children Are Watching Too Much TV

"Mama! You know what you need? OxiClean!"

or

"Mama! When can we go to Atlantis?"

"No really? When can we go?"

Yep. That's what advertising is all about.

7 Years

Thank you for making me the happiest woman on earth.
Happy Anniversary my love.

Hiatus

Work is getting in the way of my free time. Having too much work is a good thing, no? But my brain is mush. I haven't had time to visit all my bloggy friends and I miss you all. I hope to see you all again very soon. Until then, be well.

Playing For Change

This is one of the most moving things I have seen lately. This is the first of 8 (so far); Musicians from all over the world singing a song - together. The results are truly moving. Check it out.

Playing For Change

Memories

While I was working at the computer yesterday, Finn discovered a box of photographs in the closet. He brought one to me and asked who it was. I told him and he sat there for a few moments and looked at my 17 year old face and that of my highschool friend Lexie. He put the picture back and then brought me another one. And another. And then the whole box.

He climbed up on my lap and for the next hour we went through that box of photos together.

"Is her name really Lizard, Mama?" "Why are you singing in to a hair dryer?" "That's the boy you had a crush on?" "What's a crush Mama?"

I had forgotten some of the names of the people in the box, but as we thumbed through them I started to put together some of the missing pieces. He enjoyed looking at those pictures with me as much as I loved reliving some wonderful youthful memories.

I wish I had a picture of the two of us together in that chair yesterday. That's a memory I'll never forget.

Protocol

I need help. I’m still pretty new to this parenting thing and I’m even newer to the sport of socializing with other parents. I just don’t know how to do it.

Finn started playing T-Ball a few weeks ago. He LOVES it. He’s a natural. And he’s making all kinds of new friends. He has no fear of walking up to someone – anyone – and starting a conversation. He’s a natural at that too!

I’m sure most kids are like this when they’re young. At some point in our lives though, we become self conscious and, for a lot of people, talking to strangers and meeting new people becomes scary. OK, at least that happened to me.

I’ve come out of my shell a bit in my old age and I’m not as scared any more to strike up a conversation with someone I don’t know. Perhaps it’s that I have kids now and I feel like I have something to talk about. I’ve never been good at small talk but when there’s a common thread like my children involved, it’s a lot easier.

Now back to T-Ball. The first day was a Skills and Drills day. Basically just a chance to get together, meet the teammates and see what this thing called T-Ball was all about. All the parents were milling about and I took the opportunity to chat with a few of them. We exchanged our stories and our names and enjoyed a little barbeque with the kids after they were done with their drills. Fun!

Fast forward to the first game Two.Days.Later. I emphasize the time frame because really? I’m that forgettable? How can someone who I just had lunch with not recognize me less than 48 HOURS LATER? When I said hello to one of the mothers she barely acknowledged me. Same with another. I was so excited to meet some new people and my bubble was thoroughly burst.

So tell me: Am I naïve to think that a casual conversation and a common thread could lead to a (gasp) friendship? Do people not interact with other parents at these events? I don’t know what the proper protocol is in situations like these and I’m feeling very self conscious again…

Anticipation

We have a new nightly activity at Chez Goose: Bat Watching


Just as the sun starts to go down, the boys start getting ready for bed knowing that the bats will soon make an appearance in our back yard. They get in their jammies (OK, truth is they've probably got in them 5 seconds after they got home. These kids love to be cozy!), brush up and run out on the deck taking their place next to each other on the picnic table. It's so cute to see how excited they get waiting for them.

Here they come Mama!

Wardrobe Wednesday

He's definitely going to be a performer...

I Heart Faces!

What a fun idea! I've been looking at these for a while, but never had a shot I liked enough to enter. Now I do. Check out IHeartFaces.com and enter yourself!

Here's my entry:

Great Moments in Parenting

Hey boys, wanna play in the dirt? Here are some really sharp, dirty and dangerous garden tools! You just go play over there where Daddy-O can't see you while Mama goes to the grocery store! Now, no fighting! Have fun! I'll be back soon!

Less than 10 minutes later...Ring, ring...

Hi Daddy-O. What's up? What? OMG!!! He's bleeding?! Does he need stitches?!?!

I don't think Owen intentionally struck Finn on the top of his head with the garden rake, but then again, no one witnessed it.

So, yeah, we're great parents.

PS: He's fine and did not need to go to the hospital...

Hooray Hooray

Hooray, hooray! The first of May... I can still hear her.

This is how it started. A little tribute to my mother. A blank page where I hoped to voice my grief that she was gone to hopefully pull me from the black hole that I was in. I wasn't sure if it would help, but it has. Tremendously.

I can hardly believe it but it's been one year since I started this little blogging journey. I want to extend a huge thank you to all of the people I have "met" out here. It's the strangest thing. I'm not really all that surprised by it any more; and I know all of you share the same feeling: I've made so many new friends out here. Some of you I'll never meet face to face, others I hope to meet soon. (Melissa, when are we meeting for martinis?) You have all had an impact on my life. Though I didn't know it when I started, you're the reason I'm here. You've listened to me bitch and whine; cry and celebrate. You've offered acceptance, support and advice and helped me through many a difficult moment. Thank you for your shoulders, your pats on the back and, most importantly, the kicks in the ass. It's incredibly powerful, this sisterhood. It's so nice to know I'm not on this journey alone.

Happy First of May everyone.

I Scream, You Scream

We All Scream For Ice Cream!!


Damn cell phone camera! It really is a cute picture even if you can't see it very well...

Be Here Now

If you don't know Ray, you should.



Be Here Now - Ray Lamontagne

Don't let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don't try
Don't let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there's a strength that lies

Don't let your soul get lonely child
It's only time, it will go by
Don't look for love in faces, places
It's in you, that's where you'll find kindness

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Don't lose your faith in me
And I will try not to lose faith in you
Don't put your trust in walls
'Cause walls will only crush you when they fall

Be here now, here now
Be here now, here now

Boys

We had a lot of outdoor activities this weekend, the most exciting being Finn’s first exposure to being a part of a team. T-Ball practice was a hit! New friends! New skills! New fun! What more could a 5 year old want? Oh yeah, McDonald's. (Don’t judge)

Daddy-O also had big outdoor projects that involved a chainsaw so, needless to say, the boys spent a lot of time with him in the back yard. I did a lot of hauling of future firewood and admiring of my very strong husband and loud tool smitten boys.

Yesterday I had a bit of a breather from firewood duty and moved on to household chores. From the quiet of my kitchen I folded laundry and occasionally sneaked a peek at my boys and their dad reveling in all things Boy. My heart stopped at least three times as I watched the boys slip from a tree branches. I recovered quickly enough when it became evident there were no broken bones.

Nothing, though, could reel me in from near panic as I caught a glimpse of Daddy-O, hands clenched to his chest, stumbling away from the downed tree. The look on his face was pained. He started to tumble and then fell to the ground. I raced out on the deck yelling What’s wrong!?! My heart raced. My throat tightened. Where was the phone? What do I do?!!? Oh my God, NO!

Daddy-O heard my panicked cries and jumped to his feet and Finn, who witnessed the whole thing, yelled to me: It’s okay Mama. I just shot Daddy with my laser gun!

As my heart leapt back in to my throat and I broke in to uncontrollable sobs, I heard Finn say to his father Dadda, we should probably warn Mama before we play guns, huh?

My husband, who can fake die like no other, held me long and hard and promised he would.

The Difference Between Men and Women

Me: I really need to give the bathrooms a good scrubbing.

Daddy-O: Why?

Let's Count!

O: “One, two, fwee, eight…”

Me: “Right. Three, four…”

O: “Four…”

Me: “Fi..”

O: “Fibe, kix, kebin…”

Me: “Good! Five six, seven…Eight…”

O: “Eight, nine, ten, lemon!!”

Me: “Nice job buddy!!”

Early Morning Conversation

I felt his tiny, warm body sneak under the covers next to me. He settled in the crook of my arm and pulled my hand around his waist. He purred a simple contented sigh. We lay there for a few silent moments, enjoying the sound of each other's breath.

Mama? When will it be time to get up?

In a bit sweetie. It's a family day so we can stay in bed as long as we want. (I said hoping to stay in our warm nest the whole day...)

Another minute or two of rhythmic breathing passes. Then...

Mama? Can we get up now?

But why Goose? We don't have to go to school today. We don't have anywhere we need to be.

But Mama, there's so much excitement in the world! So many places to go and things to do. Can we please get up now?

Of course Lovey. Of course we can get up.

We're Off to Camp Grammy!

Happy Easter and Passover everyone!

Wardrobe Wednesday

Scaling the Castle Walls

The kid would live in his pajamas if I let him. Please, dear Lord, don't let him grow up to be the overweight dude in sweatpants at the mall...

4 Years

White coral bells upon a slender stalk,

Lilies of the valley deck my garden walk.

Oh, don’t you wish that you could hear them ring?

That will happen only when the fairies sing.

We sang in round, my sister, my aunt and cousins together in that hospital room. Though she lay there so still, the ventilator having been removed, I'm certain she could hear us. It was as though we were singing her home; letting her know it was okay to go. And so she did.

I miss you Ma. Today and every day.

It Worked!!

Well... Sorta. The Flu Bug Diet helped me lose 10% of Owen's weight! 3 lbs in a day probably isn't the most healthy weight loss plan but if it gives me a jump start I'll take it!

I'm feeling better now, but sadly my sister decided she and her family would postpone their trip. What? Driving 6+ hours with the possibility of vommiting children (or worse, HUSBAND) isn't her kind of fun? Love ya K. Can't wait to see you.

When It Rains...

Owen started throwing up Saturday morning. He finally stopped on Tuesday, but then came the dreaded diarrhea. He's back at school now but he's still so, so tired. He's lost 10% of his body weight in less than a week (3 lbs.) His little bones are poking out. Poor sweet boy.

And now... I have it. If only I could loose 10% of my body weight. Hmmmm...

Praying that Finn and Daddy-O are spared and that we don't infect my sister and her family who come to visit tomorrow (YAY!!!!)

Thankfully the weather is cooperating now and I can open the windows and let the breeze carry the yuck away.

Wordless/Wardrobe Wednesday

King Of The Castle

The Last Snowman in Maine

At least I effin hope so!

We've been in a bit of a dinner rut of late so we decided to shake things up a bit.

The boys helped me make these the other night:

Mini burgers topped with mashed potatoes with corn and strawberry embelishments.


They thought it was pretty cool.