He limped in the room, clearly upset. One moment ago he and his brother were playing (nicely!!) in the living room. In the blink of an eye he was crumpled and distraught.
“Mama, I don’t want to go to school tomorrow…”
He dove in to my bosom, sobbing.
“What is it Goose? What’s going on?”
Tomorrow is Tuesday and that means Gym Day. I don’t get it. He’s the most active kid I know. He loves every sport and is particularly good at them. He wakes in the morning asking if we recorded last night’s game. The minute we get home from school he asks if he and Daddy-O can throw the football. He's non-stop.
But he doesn’t like Gym.
He insists that nothing’s wrong. He just wants a day at home with Mama.
We get down on the floor and talk a bit and it becomes a little clearer; they play a lot of tag in gym (he’s SO outgrown tag) and he really doesn’t like running the obstacle course…
“You know Goose, there are a lot of things we don’t always like to do, but we have to do them anyway. I don’t like to have to do the dishes every day, but I have to or we'd get sick. I don’t always like to do the laundry, but then you’d be the stinky kid no one wants to play with. (tiny giggle) And you might not enjoy running the obstacle course, but you know what? It may not seem like it now, but it’s getting you conditioned to be an even better football player.”
“Really?” He perked up a bit.
“Of course! You know how you have to make quick decisions on which way to move your body? It's just like the Running Backs you’ve been reading about. They have to be able to move fast and change direction in a split second. If they weren't able to move so fast, they wouldn't be so important to the team.”
After reading another chapter of his Football library book with Daddy-O, he snuggled up and slept soundly.
This morning he woke with his usual excitement. Our little talk last night seemingly cleared the partly cloudy outlook he had forecast for today.
“Can we go to school yet Mama?”
“Soon Goose. Soon. Let's have some breakfast so you have lot's of energy for the day.”
At the grocery store together, Bii noticed I was buying two different kinds of potatoes. Curious, he asked why. I told him one was a white potato that I would use for a salad and the other was a baking potato.
God, we're lucky to live in Maine. And even luckier to have a boat!
We didn't get stranded at the Fort this time. DaddyO dropped us at the beach and the boys and I explored while DaddyO tried, but didn't catch fish. He did pick some lovely fresh mussels which we brought home and steamed. Yum. It was a perfect summer day and it wasn't even officially summer yet.
Bii starts round one of summer camps today, the official start of summer. Happy Solstice!!
I've been caught up in too many thoughts lately. Too much going on. Too much stress. Too much negative crap clouding my way...
Driving home from work yesterday (in the million dollar car...) I found myself lost in thought again. It was a very strange afternoon: Dark rain clouds combined with the ever present Quebecois fire smog created a surreality I only wish I could paint. My mind wandered as I entered a hazy section of the road.
As I came through it, a cool breeze blew through my open window clearing the fog in the air and my head. I gripped the wheel and for a moment found myself transported to Route 73 North on the approach to my home town. The roads were wet from a sudden downpour and I swerved to avoid the frogs that were ever present in the road after a storm. A simpler time. A beautiful place. A ride home to sit on the porch and talk with my mother and watch the clouds lift up over the mountains.
And as fast as it came, it was gone. I wasn't in New York. I was on my way back to reality. But that short trip soothed my soul and gave me strength to move forward again.
You'd want me to be stronger by now. But even after 5 years, the pain is still so strong. But it's time though. I promise you I will be stronger from this point forward. I love you and miss you every day.
How does this keep happening? You're another year older. Another inch taller and another mile deeper in my heart. (Is that even possible?)
You love it when I tell you stories of how you came racing in to this world, so full of excitement and happiness. I swear you were smiling from the moment you took your first breath.
You wake each day raring to go! "Let's get this party started!" seems to be your motto.
I looked at you this morning, like I do most mornings, and tried to understand where the time has gone. Where has my precious baby gone?
As new parents, we are warned that time will go by faster than you could ever imagine. As cliche as it sounds, it's true. Too true...
While waiting for the bus today, I asked you not to wish for time to pass too quickly. You promised.
Though I know you will wish some of it to speed up, as we all do at times, I hope that you will savor your youth and suck as much juice from it as you can.
I know you will. You can't help it. It's in your DNA. It's how you roll. You're a juice on the chin kind of kid. And that makes me the happiest Mama on the face of the earth. Happy Birthday Goose! I love you. More than cheese.
Sorry if that's what you do for a living, but I've had too many bad experiences with people trying to sell me shit I don't need. My problem is I'm gullible. (really, look it up in the dictionary and you'll see my picture.) If you tell me my car needs 4 new tires who am I to question it? You're the expert right? You wouldn't steer me wrong would you?
Oh wait? You work on commission? My bad.
Anyway, back to my point. I recently changed dentists because my old, beloved, doctor was too far across town and it was no longer convenient. I chose a new office close to my work. I was pretty impressed with the fact that they had all the latest, greatest technology. Cool! What I didn't take in to consideration was the fact that someone has to pay for these fancy machines.
"Have you ever had your teeth professionally whitened? ($400) You might need two sessions. You really should consider replacing your silver fillings. ($200 each) Hmmm, this crown might need some work.($1200)"
Uh, I've got two kids in daycare...
"We carry the professional variety of sensitive toothpaste.($50) The store brand doesn't work.($3) A custom night guard will be necessary if you continue to grind your teeth ($500)"
Why don't you just take one of my kidneys?
All this from the hygienist.
To be fair, some of these services will probably be needed some time down the road. But I came in for a cleaning. I explained to the gal that I really am not in a position to spend money unless it's absolutely necessary. So, please, stop trying to sell me dentistry.
When she was finished with the cleaning I sat, admiring my pearly yellows while waiting for the Dentist to come do his two minute check of the hygienist's work. He did the obligatory poke and peak and mater-of-factly said...
"Have you ever considered braces?"
Seriously? My teeth are NOT that crooked.In fact, they're pretty damn straight considering I sucked my thumb until I was 12.
I'm a bit of a worrier. On top of that, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Not a good pairing, those.
I've put off going for my annual medical exam because my cholesterol was up last time and I haven't been consistent about diet and exercise and pretty much knew my levels would still be high. (If I ignore it, it will go away right?) But recently I've been suffering some odd arm pain and thought it was time to get my act together and make an appointment.
So, in November I dragged my fanny to see my doctor. "Not sure what the arm pain is, but let's try some Advil. Your cholesterol is still high. Get back on the treadmill. Yada, yada, yada...your vitamin D is low, here's a supplement. Your liver enzymes came back elevated let's check again in a month."
WHA? Oh shit!? My liver? What does that mean? OMG, I'm dying!
I don't do well with a health scare. So I fretted, and worried and lost sleep. I changed my eating and drinking habits, fretted some more, but pretty much convinced myself I could "fix" this myself. One month later I went back for a re-check.
WTF? Still elevated?!? I need an ultrasound of my liver? What are you saying? Holy, effing shit what does this mean? OMG, I have cancer and I'm dying?!?
NO. (sorry if I got all worked up there. It's my hypochondria and I'll freak out if I want to.)
Long story short, I had the ultrasound on Monday. I had more blood tests. I called my doctor's office no less than 15 times and, low and behold, I'M FINE. I need to lose some weight (shocker) and get back on track with my exercise (tell me something I don't know) and - get this - STOP WORRYING.
I guess it's a good thing that I also bit a different bullet and finally made an appointment with a therapist.
My sister sent this to me today. I love it almost as much as I love her. Good stuff.
Rules for Being Human
1.) You Will Receive A Body - You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.
2.) You Will Learn Lessons - You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons - you may like the lesson or think them irrelevant and stupid.
3.) There Are No Mistakes, Only Lessons - There is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately 'works'.
4.) A Lesson Is Repeated Until It Is Learned - A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.
5.) Learning Lessons Does Not End - There is no part of Life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.
6.) 'There' Is No Better Than 'Here' - When your 'there' has become a 'here', you will simply obtain another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.
7.) Others Are Merely Mirrors Of You - You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.
8.) What You Make Of Your Life Is Up To You - You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.
9.) Your Answers Lie Inside You - The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need do is look, listen and trust.