07 April 2011

Stop This (F*ing) Ride - I Want to Get (The F*) Off!

Lately, we've been on a roller coaster ride. An old, unstable, wooden monstrosity that feels like it's going to come tumbling down any minute and crush us. Perhaps a bit over-dramatic, but I don't deal well with things I have no control over.

Daddy-O has been (somewhat) silently suffering with hip pain for, get this, TWO months. He finally agreed to see this doctor - who suggested and x-ray. Low and behold, the x-ray showed some concerning "lesions" in his hip joint. Up next: a CT scan, but not before a looooong-ass weekend of worry. Scan complete, and we wait two days for the call. I'd like to point out that Google is not always your friend when you have too much time to kill with an uncertain diagnosis. The unspoken C-Word loomed heavily in our house like a mustard gas. Long story, short; it's not cancer. But it's really not all that much better. He's got some pretty serious shit going on in his joint and he meets today with an Ortho-pod who will, hopefully, have a good plan for reducing his pain. But it looks like joint replacement is in my Love's future. (He's pretty pumped though, about some day being known as The Bionic Dan! At least his sense of humor hasn't dulled.)

On top of this, Daddy-O's work environment sucks. He can barely make it to work without throwing up. Will he have a job today? The stress is too much - especially for someone whose tolerance is already being tested. There's an atmosphere of dread and doom: One false move and you're history. Nice environment.

To add to all of this, Tuesday was the anniversary of my mother's death. It's only a day, but it was the worst day of my life. It gets me every time. Sucks me in and drags me down; Chews me up and spits me out. God, I miss that woman.

I'm a big girl. I can handle it. I know there are others out there who have it SO much harder than we do. I count our blessings every day. I just need to bitch and groan sometimes and today's the day. Sorry. But thanks for "listening".