Early New Year's Resolution

I had to do it now. It was too important to wait.

I've stopped yelling.

I hate myself when I yell at my kids. They're just being kids after all. It's their job to push all my buttons and drive me insane. It's their duty to try to kill us as soon as they can. If we're not around they can eat Skittles for breakfast.

Oh. Wait. That's what they had this morning. Hmmm. Whoops.

Anyway, I've found myself yelling a lot lately. I don't really know what it is. I'm just a lot less patient these days. Stress? Economics? Holidays looming just over the horizon? It's a combination of things for sure and it's ugly. It's obviously effecting me and more so the boys. Poor Bii has taken to curling up in a ball - usually crawling under the table or behind a chair when I raise my voice. O just starts crying immediately and dives in to me seaking comfort. It's not fair to them. They really are just kids being kids.

So, I have changed my evil ways and now refuse to get pissy when they don't do as I have asked. I vow to take deep breaths and count silently to 10. I will actually LOWER my voice when I want them to listen. I will practice patience and understanding. I will put myself in their little shoes and try to remember how hard it is to be small.

There is no reason to yell if they refuse to brush their teeth. If they fight over a toy, they'll learn that they have to work it out for themselves. I happen to like the way Green beans squeek in my teeth, but it doesn't me everyone else should. Pots and pans were meant to be used as drums. The news can wait. It's all gloom and doom anyway.

I've been focusing on this for the better part of a week now and I'm amazed at how much more calm I am. Getting out of the house this morning was a bit of a challenge - it always is on Mondays - but I kept calm and actually laughed at the comedy that it really was.

Thanksgiving at Grampa's could prove to be a challenge. But one I'm ready to take on.

I just hope this is a resolution that lasts.

Everyone Loves a Parade

Veteran's Day Parade

I may be a week late, but it was just too cute not to post.

Harvest Time

Sprouts!!

Mama loves her some fresh sprouts!
You can't make us eat them!!

Cupcakes for Dinner!

Mama, what’s for dinner?

Cupcakes!

Huh?!? We get cupcakes for dinner??!?? We get cupcakes for dinner!!!!


Cupcakes for Dinner

1 lb Ground Beef
½ cup Seasoned Bread Crumbs
1 cup shredded Monterey Jack
3 Tbsp Ketchup
1 Egg
½ Tsp Celery Salt
Pepper

3 Cups Mashed Potatoes
Food Coloring

Heat the oven to 375 degrees.

Line 12 small (or 6 large) muffin tin cups with foil bake cups.

In a large bowl, mix together all of the meat loaf ingredients until well combined. Divide the mixture evenly among the lined cups (the liners should be about three quarters full). Place the filled muffin tins on cookie sheets and bake the cupcakes for about 15 minutes or until cooked through.

If you want to make more than one color of frosting, divide the mashed potatoes among small bowls and stir a few drops of food coloring into each batch. Mix together until it's as smooth as you like. (We like our frosting a bit lumpy!) Spread a generous dollop on each cupcake and serve!

How to Build me up and Tear Me Down in 30 seconds Flat

I've never looked my age, but really? I don't look anywhere close to 21. So imagine my surprised 45 year old ass when I was asked for my ID by the young grocery store clerk.

Check-Out Dude: Um, can I see some ID please?

Mama Goose: Of course you may!!

After a brief pause, obviously doing mental math...

Check-Out Dude: Wow! You're almost as old as my Mom!!

sigh

Wordless Wednesday

Thanks for the Day Off...

Tomorrow is Veteran's Day. To many, it's just another day off. For me? It's more. I've already got a lump in my throat. Tomorrow there will be parades and graveside ceremonies; Flags and Potluck dinners; Tears and hearty handshakes; A Haunting Taps played by a lone trumpet. I am truly awed by these events. I get chills as the marching band goes by followed by the wheel chair brigade of amputees. Though I am conflicted by war, I am humbled by the choice of these heroes to have put their lives on the line to defend our freedom. My freedom; My children’s freedom.

Who, in their right mind, would walk in to this knowingly? I don't know anyone who agress with this current war, however they still enlist. How, as a parent, can anyone allow their child to go off to war? I cannot imagine how my sister-in-law sleeps at night knowing her only son is in Iraq right now.

I will never understand, and I selfishly pray that my boys won't choose the military route, but I know someone's child must - or where would we be? I will forever hold these brave men and women with the utmost esteem. They have my undying gratitude for what they have given me and my family.

I salute you. Today, tomorrow and every day.

Goodbye Diana (Could you send my love to Ma?)

This week the mother of a dear old friend of mine passed away after nearly 5 years of fighting leukemia.

She is at a place I remember all too well. The beginning of a journey no one wants to take. The beginning of the road of discovering who you are, alone – without your mother. Perhaps losing a parent is when we truly grow up. Or, really, when we’re forced to grow up.

Some days I still can’t figure out how I’m going to get through it all without her. The fact that I can’t pick up the phone to share an observation, a joy, a sorrow, a dilemma, a milestone… it makes me feel… – Shit! I don’t know what it makes me feel like. I can’t find the right word. But, dammit, she’d be able to help me define this feeling! She’d help me talk it out and pull myself through. So, FUCK! Even more than 3 ½ years later I’m still floundering. Maybe not all the time, but, just… dammit. Just when I think I’ve got my shit together I feel myself falling off the edge again. Some days I shatter and can’t put the pieces back together, I can’t pull myself back and my throat tightens and… I find myself in a knot again. Poor, poor me. Like I’m the only one who ever lost their mother. This just sucks.


I wish Jenny didn’t have to start her journey now. Ever. Maybe she’ll get through it better than I have done so far… Maybe I can learn a lesson or two...

Ignorance? Apathy? (I don't know what to call it...)

Let me start off by saying that today is such a momentous day. I'm so pleased with how the election turned out. Relieved really.

I had a horrifying moment yesterday that I'm still grappling with.

While waiting for a meeting to begin someone commented on the I Voted Today sticker on my lapel. She told me she had to wait until after work to go; that she had to run home, get her baby and race to the polls before they closed. She was so excited she could hardly concentrate.

When our colleague, a 27 year old manager was asked if she had voted yet she replied:

"Are you kidding? I'm not voting! It's too inconvenient to vote! I have to drive there, park my car in the garage, walk to City Hall and stand in line?!? I can't believe I can't vote on-line!! I'm not voting until they make it EASY for me to vote!"

I had to walk away.

Seriously, I don't think any other state has made it easier to vote than Maine. They all but do it for you. I chose not to submit an absentee ballot because I love the feeling of going to the polling station, pulling the curtain closed behind me and filling in the ovals next to my candidate's name. There's something so amazing about being a part of this process.

I am thrilled beyond words that I had the opportunity - no, privilege - of being a part of history yesterday. But I just can't get past this ignorant woman's view. I'm nearly certain I've lost all respect for her. I can barely look her in the eye today...

Oh Yes I Did!

It's Almost Like Christmas...Only Better

Vive La Thumb!

Artist: Matt Mawson

Bii and O had a daycare Halloween party on Friday. All the kids dressed up (Yes, I'm a lame ass mother and have no pictures...shoot me.) They played games, had a parade and ate an early dinner in preparation of canvasing the neighborhoods for free candy. Each child was given a bag of small plastic crap and candy when it was time to go.

Bii was delighted (understatement of the century) when he discovered the very cool glow in the dark Dracula teeth in his bag. He reluctantly handed them to me, dripping in spit, as we went door to door. It's tough to say Trick or Treat with plastic in your mouth.

When we got back home seemingly several hours later we wound down, brushed up and headed to bed. Bii remembered the teeth and begged me to let him have them in his bed. I caved, praying he wouldn't swallow them. He giggled with glee when he saw the green of the "Glow 'em Up" teeth. He thanked me and then rolled over, and put his thumb in his mouth.

From the darkness as I made my way to the door I heard, "Um. Mama? This is no good. These hurt my thumb".

I was hoping this might be an "IN" for the end of the thumb-sucking era but alas, he handed the slimy teeth back to me. The love affair was over.