07 April 2011

Stop This (F*ing) Ride - I Want to Get (The F*) Off!

Lately, we've been on a roller coaster ride. An old, unstable, wooden monstrosity that feels like it's going to come tumbling down any minute and crush us. Perhaps a bit over-dramatic, but I don't deal well with things I have no control over.

Daddy-O has been (somewhat) silently suffering with hip pain for, get this, TWO months. He finally agreed to see this doctor - who suggested and x-ray. Low and behold, the x-ray showed some concerning "lesions" in his hip joint. Up next: a CT scan, but not before a looooong-ass weekend of worry. Scan complete, and we wait two days for the call. I'd like to point out that Google is not always your friend when you have too much time to kill with an uncertain diagnosis. The unspoken C-Word loomed heavily in our house like a mustard gas. Long story, short; it's not cancer. But it's really not all that much better. He's got some pretty serious shit going on in his joint and he meets today with an Ortho-pod who will, hopefully, have a good plan for reducing his pain. But it looks like joint replacement is in my Love's future. (He's pretty pumped though, about some day being known as The Bionic Dan! At least his sense of humor hasn't dulled.)

On top of this, Daddy-O's work environment sucks. He can barely make it to work without throwing up. Will he have a job today? The stress is too much - especially for someone whose tolerance is already being tested. There's an atmosphere of dread and doom: One false move and you're history. Nice environment.

To add to all of this, Tuesday was the anniversary of my mother's death. It's only a day, but it was the worst day of my life. It gets me every time. Sucks me in and drags me down; Chews me up and spits me out. God, I miss that woman.

I'm a big girl. I can handle it. I know there are others out there who have it SO much harder than we do. I count our blessings every day. I just need to bitch and groan sometimes and today's the day. Sorry. But thanks for "listening".



melissa said...

What can I say that doesn't sound trite? I'm praying for Dan, I'm praying for all of you. I know how much you miss your mom as only one who misses her mom also. Sending good positive thoughts your way.

Manic Mommy said...

Rage on, my friend.

Hope Bionic Dan gets through his heath scare as well as he can. IMO, it's always better to know what you're dealing with than to live in uncertainty.

Andy's completed month 4 of unemployment. I feel your pain. The stress at work is like a fog over every other part of your life and a lot like being painted into a corner.

So, so sorry for your mother. Hug your kids tight and see some of her in them.


FishermansDaughter said...

Guiltlessly, unapologetically rant away sweetheart, that's what blogs are for! Sorry to hear of the trials - health scares SUCK. Glad to hear Daddy-O will be ok. Hug for missing your mom.

Kim said...

Hey! Get it out!

I know all too well that keeping that stuff bottled up inside is never good!

I also know how it feels to be a control freak with no control.

Hang in there!