31 July 2008


On my way to work this morning I was coming to a stop at a light on a residential street. Though I didn't see her at first, I backed up to allow a woman to back out of her driveway and in to the line of traffic. Nice, right?


As she pulled out, she looked me square in the face and gave me the finger.

Now, I don't know about you, but I'm floored by this. I know where you live Beyotch. If I was a spiteful person I might just leave a bag of burning dogshit on your doorstep.

Lucky for her I'm not.

30 July 2008

These Are My Mountains

I haven't been "home" for two years. The last time was for my brother's wedding. The time before that was for my mother's memorial in August of 2005.

The Adirondacks will always be home to me but really without my mother there it will never be the same.

Every time she came home after some time away, she would belt out "These are my mountains!" I sang it too, but it was always her song.

These were her mountains. These are her mountains.

I need to go home.

29 July 2008

I Need a Vacation

I am the Technology Manager for a small Call Center. Computers. Phone system. Network. Etc. I usually love my job but lately I think our offices have been invaded by some alien entity and it is slowly feeding on people’s brains:

• HR Director calls me in a frantic state. My computer is possessed! I’m trying to enter numbers in a spreadsheet and my mouse is jumping all over the screen! The hard drive must be corrupt!!! I turned on her Number Lock button and all is well again.

• Senior Sales Manager tells me the call statistics are WRONG!! Oh my God! How long has this been wrong?!? We’ll have to go back to the beginning of time to correct this! MY pay is based on these numbers!! She claimed she had only taken one call but the report was telling her she had taken two calls. As I was checking the call logs she said Oh. Wait. Ha ha.I did take two calls.

• Training Manager claims her speakers aren’t working and haven’t been for some time! I have to monitor the new hires and I haven’t been able to do my job!! Um…first of all, if I don’t know something is broken I can’t fix it now, can I? And secondly, you actually have to turn the speakers ON for them to work.

• Email from our Recruiter: Sarah thinks that I may have computer problems because she can't send me things and I can't load photos on my PC. Any idea? Oh sorry. I didn’t know our Receptionist was now a Help Desk Tech and more importantly, why the hell do you need pictures or “things” for that matter?

Mind you, there are legitimate issues all the time and if there weren’t issues I wouldn’t have a job. But I’m a party of one and I’m tired. I’m tired of constantly being interrupted from bigger projects and having to drop what I’m doing only to have to point out that the caller is an idiot. (Well, actually I like that part!) I need to take some time off, but I’m afraid of the mess I’ll come back to. I’m sure it’s like that in every industry: You take a week off and pay for it for two {sigh}. But I have to bite the bullet and force myself to use some of the 60+ hours I have accrued before I morph in to an alien and bite someone’s head off for real.

28 July 2008

Sun Kissed

And Oh.So.Sweet. These faces melt my heart.

23 July 2008

Two Roads Diverged in the Wood

I don't have many options when it comes to my daily commute.

I drive because it's convenient, but I also have little other choice. I drop the kids at daycare every morning and then drive to my office which is in the next town. There is no bus route that will get me to work on time and I often have to travel to our two other offices at a moment's notice.

There are two ways I can drive, but I'm having a hard time deciding which is the best way to go - environmentally speaking.

Route #1: 7.5 miles, two quick traffic lights - roughly 10 minutes - mostly a straight shot - pleasant.

Route #2: 4.3 miles, 11 sometimes painful traffic lights - approximatley 15 minutes -sometimes longer depending on the lights. A few F-bombs have been known to be uttered before 8 AM.

Question: Does it make more sense to drive fewer miles but spend more time idling at traffic lights or go a few extra miles and only possibly stop twice? Or is it 6 of one... I know it's not a big difference but I want to do what's best even if it's small.

I've never been good at math.

A Glimpse Forward

I had a small glimpse of the future the other night, and I'm scared.

I've always been a little emotionally sensitive and my feelings are easily bruised. I endured childhood with the help of my mother who always helped pick me up and brush off the debris of an adolescent attack. "Stiff upper lip" she'd say, and I'd try like hell to stop the quiver that inevitably led to hot streaming tears.

My oldest son is much like me though I think he's got a bit tougher skin. I've tried to teach him that when someone does something he doesn't like he should ask them politely to stop and if they don't he should just walk away. And he does. There are times though when the taunting is too much to take and he collapses in to a puddle of tears. Kids can be so mean. And he's only 4.

Bii is taking swimming lessons. He's in a summer program at the Y with only two other kids. One of them is a 6 year old boy and Bii thinks he's pretty cool. They've had some fun together. When we arrived at class this week the boy came up to Bii and started teasing him that he looked like a girl who was in the pool. Come over here little girl... Then he stared calling him his "toy" and tried to wind him up. Come on my little toy, DANCE! Bii didn't like it one bit. The kid's mother was right there and SAID NOTHING to her son to make him stop. I didn't think it was appropriate for me to say anything so I was silent too.

Kids will be kids, I know. But I honestly can't believe that this kid's mother didn't intervene and try to get him to stop taunting my son. Maybe she was embarrassed? Maybe she just didn't care? If the tables had been turned you can bank on it that I would have said something to my son and if he didn't stop we would leave. When you behave poorly, there are consequences.

As the taunting continued, I became more uncomfortable. Bii seemed stiff and uncomfortable too. I gently pulled my son up on my lap and whispered to him that it was okay for him to tell the boy to stop. He turned to me and said,
It's okay Mama. I'm just ignoring him.

And in that moment I knew. He'll be fine in this sometimes cruel world.

It's me I'm worried about.

22 July 2008

Change of Plans

From nearly day one, Bii has been obsessed with all things firefighter. There has been no doubt in his mind that he was going to be a fireman when he grew up.

Yesterday there was an abrupt change of plans...

Mama, I want to be a police when I grow up.

Really Buddy? Why?

Police are the boss of the law and they have handcups!

Ahh, but of course.

19 July 2008

Summer Fun

Story Land was a hoot.

The boys had a great time.

But there's just something terribly disturbing about Humpty Dumpty that's going to take a while to get past...

16 July 2008

It's That (dreaded) Time of Year!

I ate so much zucchini as a child that I still haven't recovered. I only like it now if it's tiny and, oh so tender, sauteed with a little dill and butter. Or in bread. Preferably with chocolate.

I grew up in a tiny town - year round population 400- In the summer that number swelled to nearly 3000. Despite the masses, the town remained a trusted and safe haven. We didn't even have a lock on our house until 1991.

One late summer day my mother arrived at the post office like she did every day. She got out of her car and locked the door and went in to get the mail. When she returned a summer resident ran up to her - clearly shaken.

Susan. Please tell me! Is there something I should know? Is it no longer safe here? Have there been burglaries? Why did you lock your car? I've never seen anyone lock their car here!

My mother calmly reassured her, No, no Louise, it's still as safe here as it ever was. It's just if we don't lock the car at this time of year, it's full of zucchini when we get back.

Our neighbor gave us a monster from his garden yesterday. Looks like I'm making bread this week.

15 July 2008

She's With Me Now

Pop brought me a few random things when they came to visit:

  • A prayer book that belonged to my rather unreligious mother.

  • A hand tatted lace cloth.
  • Files of my educational experiences.

  • My mother's ashes.

    I'll put the book by my bed. Though I'm not very religious either I find it somewhat comforting.

    I wish I could ask Ma about the cloth. It's simple and beautiful, just like she was.

    I'm finding it very interesting to read what my teachers said about me in every class since Nursery School. I can't believe she kept all this. Ok, yes I can. Thank you Ma. I promise to do this for the boys too.

    I put her ashes in the liquor cabinet next to the bourbon she left last time she was here. I think she'd be happy there.

  • I know I'm happy she's here.

    14 July 2008

    I know, I KNOW! Dammit!

    I've been a bit of a slacker lately when it comes to my "diet" and I really need to get back on track. I had (another) over indulgent weekend and it's really become a bad BAD habit. I do SOOOO well all week and then I let my guard down. Last Friday I was up .2 which I wasn't happy with but this morning I was up 3 (Effing) pounds!!

    Granted, we ate like royalty this weekend. Steak and lobster, cheese and crackers, chicken WITH the skin, chocolate mousse and wine, wine and more wine.

    I could have eaten all of these things - just smaller portions. I know I could have and would have been happy, so why didn't I? DAMMIT! I feel like crap. I feel like I gained 40 pounds. My run this morning was laborous. I was starving when I woke up and I wouldn't have been had I stayed on course. I KNOW I can do better.

    And I will, it's just so daunting that I have to retrace these steps. I'm tired of doing that. Anyway, I'm still here; back on track today and I know what needs to be done. Now I just have to figure out how to do it consistantly.


    10 July 2008

    Biting My Tongue

    Daddy-O hasn't slept well for 5 nights now.

    He thought he was too cool for sunscreen.

    He says: Hon, it must be killing you to not say 'I told you so'.

    Yep. It is.

    No one is too cool for sunscreen.

    09 July 2008

    This Morning

    Through the monitor I heard the desperate, choking sobs of a very sad boy. I ran upstairs to comfort him.

    What is it lovey?

    I had a sad {choke} sad dream {snif}

    What did you dream about?

    I had a nice {gulp} dream first - then it was sad.

    Can you tell me about it?

    I forget. {sob} Did you get poptarts 'esterday?

    Yes lovey.

    Yay. {snort, snuffle, smile}

    08 July 2008

    Ahhhh Summer

    We had the best long weekend with the boys - beach, pool, picnic with friends, bike rides, playground, ice-cream, BBQ, bonfire, marshmellows, fireworks. The weather couldn't have been more beautiful. A lovely three family days. Perfect in every way.

    And now it's over and we're back at work. But the loveliness remains. My heart is full and my spirit renewed.

    07 July 2008

    Surprise Visit

    My stepfather called last night. He'll be arriving with "her" on Friday and would like to have dinner with us. He wants to go out. We only have a few hours together. Instead of trying to impress "her", I'd like for him to spend some time with his grandchildren. Is that so wrong?

    06 July 2008

    I Scream...

    You scream, we all scream for ice cream!!

    02 July 2008


    I love my daycare, but I've been toying with the idea of sending Bii to a real preschool. He's such a smart kid and I've been afraid that he's getting bored and also needs a bit of reeling in as he's been on a "do what you like" schedule Daycamp. I want him to be challenged and to really be prepared for Kindergarten.

    We've looked at several schools - most of them are designed for children of stay at home parents who have had little social interaction. They're only for a couple of hours a day - usually from 9:30 to 12:00. This doesn't work for working parents. I can't drop him off and pick him up and I can't afford to hire someone to taxi him there either. The other option is a full time preschool and I'm not excited about that either. These schools mimic a real Kindergarten class. It seems to me that he would be bored esentially repeating Kindergarten the following year.

    So I've been torn. I want to give Bii the best chance to excel and to make new friends and be exposed to different people and environments, but none of our options seem like the right fit.

    Imagine my joy when Jane told me that she's going to incorporate a curriculum at Daycamp!! She said she has enough older kids now that she thought it might be more fun for them if they were to follow a lesson plan! Perfect!!!

    She won't start the real plan until fall, but she's started weekly themes to do all summer. Last week was "Animal Week". Both boys had a blast! They brought their stuffed animals for show and tell, went to a petting zoo, did amimal projects and learned all sorts of fun things. ("Mama, did you know elephants have 3 toes?!?") The theme week ended with face painting and tatoos. What fun.