My Smile

I've been on vacation since Christmas Eve. I was SO looking forward to just hanging out at home, maybe doing a few projects around the house, spending some quality time with my husaband and children.

I knew I'd have to log in to my work a bit each day - I am a one person IT department after all - and I was okay with that. I could take care of a few things so my desk wasn't a complete disaster when I returned. Yay for remote access!!

When I was called on Christmas morning, I was annoyed but happy that it wasn't during the ripping and tearing. It happened during a lull and I was alright with the diversion that was driving to the office to bring our servers back on line after the power outage.

When I was called on Monday morning I was a tad more annoyed but knew a lot of people were depending on me to bring the systems back up so they could get their work done.

The New Years Eve call wasn't a thrill, but I'd only had a couple of glasses of wine and the children had just gone up to bed - so at least the drive in to the office didn't compete with our celebration. I was home by 11:00 and actually stayed up to see the ball drop - a first in several years. It would have been more fun if Daddy-O was still up too...

The call this morning, though, sent me over the edge. The issues are thankfully minor and are fairly quick to take care of, but seriously. This is my VACATION. I'm so tired of this and I don't really know what to do. There isn't a simple fix. I know this is "job security" but come on. I have no doubt that I'll be called several more times over the remainder of the weekend.

The smile you saw on the picture below is gone. All the good this "vacation" has done is gone.

I'm sitting at my desk right now trying to calm myself and convince myself not to write my resignation letter and leave it on my boss's desk.

Right Here. Right Now.

Here you go Heathen

This is what vacation looks like. What? Is that a bit of a smile on my face???

It'll be interesting to see this a year from now...

OK. I'm Over Myself

Yesterday was a tough one. I overreacted and feel like such an ass for getting so upset about something as stupid as a snow day.

'Tis the season, no?

A friend did come to my rescue for a few hours yesterday and I couldn't be more grateful. I got done what needed to be done at work and (thank God for remote access!!) didn't have to take a vacation day after all.

I have a post-it on my desk. It's been there for years now. I can't remember where it came from, but it's a simple reminder:

Breathe sister, breathe. Make way for grace and forgiveness and don't forget to breathe....

I am, once again, counting my blessings and trying to remember to breathe.

Bullshit

Yep. That's me. So effing bullshit I can hardly see.

We got over 20" of snow yesterday and last night. It's absolutely gorgeous outside. It's a beautiful, sunny, sparkly day and I couldn't ask for a more wonderful prelude to Christmas.

But I'm so freaking pissed right now my head may explode. (Look out!!) It stopped snowing early this morning. It's not like there's still a winter storm happening out there. It's clear, sunny and beautiful.

We woke early and shoveled. That's what you do when it snows, right? When you have obligations you adjust your schedule to make sure you get to where you need to be on time, right?

Apparently not.

We got word that our daycare would be opening late. That's acceptable. The plow guy can only be in so many places at once. There's a lot of snow out there. But when I called at 9:45 to make sure we were on schedule, we found out that no one had been there yet and it didn't look like they'd get there at all today. WTF????

SO here I am. Stuck.

I need to be at work. I have no alternative when it comes to child care. I know it was my decision to move far from my family. But it's not like they'd be able to help me out anyway. They have lives too. And I don't have the luxury of friends who can bail me out in a situation like this. And I'm pissed. I'm pissed that I have to take more vacation time from work that isn't vacation time. I'm pissed that I still have to pay my daycare provider - even though she doesn't pay her staff if they can't make it to work. I'm pissed that my mother isn't here to hold my hand and tell me how to make shit like this work. She did it. BY HERSELF. At least I have Daddy-O - who will also have to take more vacation time that isn't vacation time.

Waaah, waaah, waaaah. Poor me.

There are some things that are just not fair and I'm having a hard time working through this one.

Merry Merry

This is helping too... Little by little, I'm getting there.

Mmm, mmm, good!

Bii has been on a clean your plate kick for a few days now. I'm really not sure why. Growth spurt, perhaps? Anyway, he's very proud of himself and always makes it known that he has eaten every last bite on his plate.

Last night as I was clearing other dishes to the sink, he emerged behind me - empty plate in hand.

"Brrrrrrrrrrrp!"

Now, bear in mind that burps are a common occurrence in our house but this one shook the roof!

"Wow Bii. That was something! What do you say?"

"I say, Mama, that was an expression of YUM!"

The kid floors me.

I'm trying to get in to the holiday spirit...

This is helping!

Ho Ho Ho!

Merry Christmas

Well, we survived the ice storm with minimal damage - deck railing, soggy basement, a few more gray hairs... and a shiny new generator. I'm still counting our blessings.

Gotta Change Things Up

We have to figure something out. This is getting O.L.D.

The boys look SO forward to family days (weekends). We do too. With one exception:

Bii and O wake up too bloody early.

I don't know how to adjust their internal clocks so they'll sleep later. Both of them woke before 5:30 on Saturday AND Sunday.

Then, this morning? I had to haul their lazy asses out of bed at 7:00!!!

What I would give to sleep until 7:00!!

I have tried everything I can think of: Put them to bed later. Put them to bed earlier. Teach them that they can't come out of their room before the clock says 6:XX. Turn on their music. Bribe them. If they wake up, there's no playing quietly in their room (note to self: look in to installing doors upstairs). If they're up, they're up and so is Mama or Daddy-O.

I'm tired. Anyone have any suggestions?

Clepto

(stolen from sheshe)

One Word: Ohm

Where is your cell phone? In my Pocketbook? Purse? Handbag? (Man, I really dislike those words...)

Where is your significant other? Home.

Your hair color? Mousey Brown - with streaks of gray that actually look like blond highlights in the right light.

Your mother? Sadly, deceased

Your father? Happily, not

Your favorite thing? My children and my husband

Your dream last night? Extremely involved, slightly scary, but I can't remember a thing now...

Your goal? Patience. Grace.

The room you’re in? My office.

Your hobby? Trying to find one. I need a diversion.

Your fear? Letting life slip by - not giving my children everything they deserve

Where do you want to be in six years? On the right road to a comfortable retirement

Where were you last night? Home.

What you’re not? Patient

One of your wish-list items? To be in better control of my emotions

Where you grew up? The Adirondacks - New York

The last thing you did? Put more memory in a computer

What are you wearing? Blue jeans and an old maternity sweatshirt. (sad, sad, sad)

Your TV? Um... Which one? We have too many

Your pet? Riley the Golden Retreiver and Dewey the Cockateil

Your computer? Dell Vostro 1700 laptop

Your mood? Lately: Constant PMS

Missing someone? My mother, my sister, myself...

Your car? 2004 Kia Sorento

Something you’re not wearing? A bra

Favorite store? Target

Your summer? Hopefully to KVNY and Minaki, Ontario

Love someone? With all my heart

Your favorite color? Varying shades of blue

When is the last time you laughed? Wow. I need to work on this. I can't remember the last time I truly laughed. K2: I need a Ghh moment.

Last time you cried? This morning

Tagged: You and you and you.