Seriously?

I hate salespeople.

Sorry if that's what you do for a living, but I've had too many bad experiences with people trying to sell me shit I don't need. My problem is I'm gullible. (really, look it up in the dictionary and you'll see my picture.) If you tell me my car needs 4 new tires who am I to question it? You're the expert right? You wouldn't steer me wrong would you?

Oh wait? You work on commission? My bad.

Anyway, back to my point. I recently changed dentists because my old, beloved, doctor was too far across town and it was no longer convenient. I chose a new office close to my work. I was pretty impressed with the fact that they had all the latest, greatest technology. Cool! What I didn't take in to consideration was the fact that someone has to pay for these fancy machines.

Namely: Me

"Have you ever had your teeth professionally whitened? ($400) You might need two sessions. You really should consider replacing your silver fillings. ($200 each) Hmmm, this crown might need some work.($1200)"

Uh, I've got two kids in daycare...

"We carry the professional variety of sensitive toothpaste.($50) The store brand doesn't work.($3) A custom night guard will be necessary if you continue to grind your teeth ($500)"

Why don't you just take one of my kidneys?

All this from the hygienist.

To be fair, some of these services will probably be needed some time down the road. But I came in for a cleaning. I explained to the gal that I really am not in a position to spend money unless it's absolutely necessary. So, please, stop trying to sell me dentistry.

When she was finished with the cleaning I sat, admiring my pearly yellows while waiting for the Dentist to come do his two minute check of the hygienist's work. He did the obligatory poke and peak and mater-of-factly said...

"Have you ever considered braces?"

Seriously? My teeth are NOT that crooked. In fact, they're pretty damn straight considering I sucked my thumb until I was 12.


Did I mention I'm changing dentists?

Yeah, I'm Like That

I'm a bit of a worrier. On top of that, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Not a good pairing, those.

I've put off going for my annual medical exam because my cholesterol was up last time and I haven't been consistent about diet and exercise and pretty much knew my levels would still be high. (If I ignore it, it will go away right?) But recently I've been suffering some odd arm pain and thought it was time to get my act together and make an appointment.

So, in November I dragged my fanny to see my doctor. "Not sure what the arm pain is, but let's try some Advil. Your cholesterol is still high. Get back on the treadmill. Yada, yada, yada...your vitamin D is low, here's a supplement. Your liver enzymes came back elevated let's check again in a month."

WHA? Oh shit!? My liver? What does that mean? OMG, I'm dying!

I don't do well with a health scare. So I fretted, and worried and lost sleep. I changed my eating and drinking habits, fretted some more, but pretty much convinced myself I could "fix" this myself. One month later I went back for a re-check.

WTF? Still elevated?!? I need an ultrasound of my liver? What are you saying? Holy, effing shit what does this mean? OMG, I have cancer and I'm dying?!?

NO. (sorry if I got all worked up there. It's my hypochondria and I'll freak out if I want to.)

Long story short, I had the ultrasound on Monday. I had more blood tests. I called my doctor's office no less than 15 times and, low and behold, I'M FINE. I need to lose some weight (shocker) and get back on track with my exercise (tell me something I don't know) and - get this - STOP WORRYING.

I guess it's a good thing that I also bit a different bullet and finally made an appointment with a therapist.

Rules For Being Human

My sister sent this to me today. I love it almost as much as I love her. Good stuff.

Rules for Being Human

1.) You Will Receive A Body - You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2.) You Will Learn Lessons - You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons - you may like the lesson or think them irrelevant and stupid.

3.) There Are No Mistakes, Only Lessons - There is a process of trial and error; experimentation. The 'failed' experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately 'works'.

4.) A Lesson Is Repeated Until It Is Learned - A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.) Learning Lessons Does Not End - There is no part of Life that does not contain its lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6.) 'There' Is No Better Than 'Here' - When your 'there' has become a 'here', you will simply obtain another 'there' that will again look better than 'here'.

7.) Others Are Merely Mirrors Of You - You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself.

8.) What You Make Of Your Life Is Up To You - You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.) Your Answers Lie Inside You - The answers to Life's questions lie inside you. All you need do is look, listen and trust.

10.) You Will Forget All This.

11.) You Can Remember It Whenever You Want

Thank you Kate. I love you more than cheese.